Psychology – Page 2 – Ariel Sheen

Review of “The World of Sex”

I’ve read most of Henry Miller’s work but hadn’t heard of his composition entitled The World of Sex until recently reading The Selected Letters between him and Anais Nin. Impulsive Ariel, of course, jumped onto the internet, set my web browser to Amazon and two dayed it. Both delivery and in time spent reading it.

The World of Sex is an extended essay written at the time that Henry Miller’s work was being censored from publication, importation or sale of his work in the United States. He was becoming a cause célèbre in France, where he’d wrote much of his early work. However in puritanical America a number of graphic depictions of sex lead to suppression of his work. A number of copies made it into the US, making his book literally an underground phenomenon until his work was finally deemed not categorized by the legal definition of pornography, however this dynamic caused Miller much consternation and a cause for deep reflection on what sex can mean to the individual as well as the relationships between sex and art, sex and fiction, and sex and society.

As one would expect given his oeuvre, Miller tells the story of how he came to have a number of his views on sex and love through a recounting of his personal narrative. Describing his infatuations and frustrations from the vantage point of decades of distance, not to mention much internal and psychological research, provides the necessary detached frame that allows him to describe impact these impulses and urges being contained had on his – and indeed all peoples – development. Because of these constraints, be it social taboos or ideologies and religions which seek to shame the body, he comes to see these as invalid for they vastly limit our knowledge of others and ourselves.

Society takes much of the brunt of Miller’s animosity, it is an assemblage of conflicting messages that engenders neurosis is listened to. Real truth is the self, Miller believes and shows through his life and work. By rejecting those as a means for guiding oneself and allowing the internal direction one feels to fully take hold – be that in the pursuit of sexual conquests to gain self-knowledge or through living something other than the typical “get married, work hard, follow your dreams leads to failure” mantra then great things start to occur:

Our laws and customs relate to social life, our life in common, which is the lesser side of existence. Real life begins when we are alone, face to face with our unknown self. What happens when we come together is determined by our inner soliloquies. The crucial and truly pivotal events which mark our way are the fruits of silence and solitude. We attribute to chance meetings, refer to them as turning points in our life, but these encounters could never have occurred had we not made ourselves ready for them. If we possessed more awareness, these fortuitous encounters would yield still greater rewards. It is only at certain unpredictable times that we are attuned, fully expectant, and thus in a position to receive the favors of fortune. The man who is thoroughly awake knows that everything “happening” is packed with significance. He knows that not only is his own life being altered but that eventually the entire world must be affected.”

Much of the many underlined passages that I have in Miller’s work relates to these moments of revelation – be it as it relates to friendship, lovers, the role of literature in society or something else. It saturates his fiction and here too, such insights appear. In one section on page 33, Miller describes a deep spiritual relationship to numerous authors that I’ve too suggested other people spend time with. Their stories, their vision, their analysis, their dynamic tension, their message, their… “X factor” was something that made it worth’s one attention to read them as well as it makes your inner vision that much more expansive.

There are comments Miller makes about the sexes that are open to being considered misogynistic. For instance while describing the archetypical psychological aspects of male-female sexual and romantic relationships he states the following:

“A man is usually plagued with all kinds of disturbing notions with regard to love, sex, politics, art, religion and so on. A man is always more muddled than a woman. He needs woman if for no other purpose than to be straightened out. Sometimes it takes nothing more than a good, clean, healthy fuck to do the trick.”

I’m not going to place what he says for the women here lest I seem to be endorsing it outright, but having had a lot of experience with women I think that there is some truth to it. Obviously it doesn’t apply to all, just as the above need not be the truth for all men, however I would largely agree with the above statement and feel that much of what he says is true even if not universally so. Miller, certainly, didn’t place himself fully within this mass, instead identifying himself with the “man of genius,” who through his work or by personal example, seems ever to be blazing the truth that each one is a law unto himself.

As someone versed in Miller’s work I found his reflections on his own writing to be particularly rewarding as it matched much of my memories of them. I’ve only recently begun to remind myself of him due to events in my life, but when I read this, his letters and passages like the below it all came back to me:

The Tropic of Capricorn represents the transition to a more knowing phase: from consciousness of self to consciousness of purpose. Henceforward what metamorphoses occur manifest even more through conduct than through the written word. The beginning of a conflict between the writer who is resolved to finish his task and the man who knows deep down that the desire to express oneself must never be limited to a single medium, to art, let us say, but to every phase of life. A battle, more or less conscious between Duty and Desire. That part of a man which belongs to the word seeking to do its duty; the part which belongs to God striving to fulfill the demands of destiny, which are unstable. The difficulty: to adapt to that desolate plane where only one’s powers will sustain one. From this point on the problem is to write retrospectively and act forwardly. To slip is to sink into an abyss from which there is no rescue possible. The struggle is on all fronts, and it is ceaseless and remorseless.

For fans of Miller as well as those that are interested in essay’s on sex, art, and social matters I highly recommend this book.

Review of “I Am That I Am: Uncovering the Truth of the Mind, Body and Spirit”

To be honest I would not have purchased I Am That I Am: Uncovering the Truth of the Mind, Body and Spirit based on its cover or back matter. When something claims itself a #1 bestseller but it is clearly not I am suspicious, but not in a way that makes me want to investigate it. The back matter shows me that the author has a similar path as my father and other superlatives made me similarly wary. Nevertheless, I decided to give it a read on someone special’s suggestion and found myself greatly rewarded as a result.

One of the aspects of the book that I found engaging was the pleasant simplicity of the prose and concepts container therein. Dr. Michael’s descriptions of a wide variety of psychological states, the causes for their crises, analysis of components of the ego, etc. align with similar, more scholastic readings I’ve done. Yet it is presented in a way that engages the reader to be a participant in his excavations of human motivation and the Higher Self (not his term) moreso than mere exegesis of the history of those concepts in various schools of thought (a la Becker). There are multiple instances of hypnotic writing therein that are intended to get the reader to explore their own embodiment of love and fear-directed thinking and behavior (Michael’s terms).

By giving in to feelings of guilt or shame or having an ego that controls rather than a more conscientious form of mind-body-spirit co-management psychic disequilibrium starts to be create. During this period crisis can be relieved or, more often, deepened as the internal contradictions become intensified. But “What happens when the reality that you created becomes too much for you to bear?” Dr. Michael asks and responds with, “You sedate yourself with something stronger to completely alter and escape from your perception of reality.” This can take the form of self-stimming in many forms, addiction to television, gaming, books, as well as alcohol and drug abuse. Freud designated this tendency pattern repetition. While Dr. Michael does not use this term specifically, he does point out that “The experiences that you did not learn from lead you to continuously repeat the same reality, resulting in guilt, pain and limitation.”

It’s this focus on limitation and examination on how the heart hardens and contracts through examples that sets this books apart from others. While I’ve been studying psychological development and various disciplines to achieve personal empowerment, I’ve often found the discussion either too metaphysical or too clinical. This makes sense as the purpose of the course readings and participatory, experiential based practicing of those materials in groups and one on one settings was to impart technical training. However, the reformulation of the material here is oriented more towards being a component of a spiritual practice.

Returning to power

A post shared by Ariel Voyager (@arielvoyager) on Apr 2, 2017 at 2:49pm PDT

This is evident in the fact that each chapter ends with an overview and an affirmation. Besides the trace-inducing writing, there are also multiple points where you are encouraged to say aloud certain phrases. While I read this from cover to cover, this is also one of those books that you could simply look through the chapter list to find places to speak to certain areas in your life that are causing one to stray from Love and Truth, for it’s when one doesn’t operate from those perspectives but from Fear that profound internal and external problems begin to occur. By running from pain you lose the opportunity to learn from it and from that power is returned to the self. To quote my father, one must face, embrace and replace the survival messages that emerge from certain periods in our life that become no longer beneficial to our innermost needs.

In close I think it’s worth mentioning that after reading the book I engaged the counseling services of someone who’d studies with Dr. Michael. One of the components of the session was to repeat the affirmations with passion, in a similar manner that experiential psychologists would but with physicality included. This combined with other reformulations of previous traumatic experiences was a good reminder that living a happy life is often not nearly as complicated as our ego’s would like us to believe.

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Review of “The Denial of Death”

We leave a worryless life and emerge from our mother’s womb and learn many new sensations that must at first feel rude and grating. We scream as we gasp air for the first time, are dried, are held by not all sides. Somehow we innately now knowing that we must eat to continue to exist in this world. To quell this state of terror we transfer onto our parents our own sense of self. We map what symbolic values they and the culture associated with them onto ourselves, while repressing the arbitrariness of it through psychological repression that people who do not practice mindfulness techniques rarely notice. Thus begins a critical response to Freud through the lens of Soren Kirkegaard and Otto Rank, Ernest Becker’s The Denial of Death.

I found much of the commentary by Becker on Freud’s character similar to that of Walter Kauffman’s. They diverge, however, in their appraisal of Freud’s correctness in the base cause for the manifestation of anxieties in human character and thus what at base most motivates us as humans. Becker discount’s what he sees as Freud’s hedonistic interpretation and instead proffers one based on heroism of personal expression rather than inherited cultural roles, religious roles or the pursuit of wealth by explicating Soren Kirkegaard’s novelistic insights to human’s self-motivation and Otto Rank’s reflections on his own therapy practice.

The divergence of perspective has a number of large effects but the most important could perhaps be summed up as follows: whereas psychoanalysis seeks to alleviate as much as possible the neurosis that prevents the normal functioning of areas in life which the patient seeks greater control; a more appropriate means for achieving fulfilment, gratification and community is through the pursuit of a heroic ideals. Depression thus becomes a matter of courage, the inner artist failing to must their talents and energies. The neurotic, born through the choking off of action, need only keep acting in the manner that takes them on what they most want. The manner that Becker puts it is, I think, better: “When the person can no longer convincingly perform his safe heroics or cannot hide his failure to be his own hero, then he bogs down in the failure of depression and terrible guilt.”

As the human begins to develops to its highest potential, rather than just along the axis of its neurosis as process begin, the following begins to become the inner drive of our consciousness: “The self must be destroyed, brought down to nothing, in order for self-transcendence to begin. Then the self can begin to relate itself to powers beyond itself. It has to thrash around in its finitude, it has to “die,” in order to question that finitude, in order to see beyond it.” Having recently read the Seducer’s Diary I was pleasantly gratified when reading Becker’s commentary on the story of Coredelia and K in Either/Or as it was aligned with my own thoughts about his depiction of a weak spiritual fortitude. Becker even has a name for it, which is important as it becomes the point at which he turns his attention from desire, fulfilment, anxiety and character to develop his model of human health.

Jonah Syndrome is a state of consciousness that leads one to believe that lasting happiness is not only something that is impossible but that proximity to it will lead to one to be ”shattered, disintegrated and even killed by the experience”. To guard from this they pull back and away from what would in a better adjusted view would be a fount of. As it is the destruction of the self that is actually a pre-requisite to being able to achieve lasting happiness, that person soon lapses into depression and neurosis. The solution to the problem of neurosis is Goetheian: Make a game of the world and play it in the fashion that one most wishes. One may not like the cards they are dealt, but grit and perseverance will get one there.

Becker’s extensive exposition of Rank’s views of the artist are both profoundly insightful and beautifully written. Rank, like Hubbard, exalted the artist as the highest embodiment of human potential. Establishing a balance between the self and the world means thus following one’s hero project wherever it may lead for the whole of one’s life. The creative solutions that we come up to get that is the genius possible within our species being and truly being dedicated and convicted people may come to know the artists that are inside them.

Review of “The Autobiography of Assata Shakur”

A former Black Liberation Army member that has obtained political asylum in Cuba for perceived lack of evidence for crimes connected to the murder of two police officers, Assata Shakur is a polarizing figure. She is still wanted by the FBI and talk of her possible return to America was discussed between respective nations bilateral trade meetings leading to online talk of her spiking to numbers not seen since legal defense committees received donations in her name for other sham trials in the late 1960s. Assata was one of many black political and cultural activists that were falsely imprisoned for hours to years based upon the whims of the judicial system. The Autobiography of Assata Shakur memoirs describes the evidence against her, the conditions of her trial, penetrating and poetic social insights, her treatment in the prison as well as her socialization with white communities under Jim Crow, her work with the Black Panther Party, etc. It is, another word, wonderful for touching on so many of the important issues of that epoch.

At a young age Assata describes herself as being very sensitive to the Jim Crow conditions which she grew up under. She tells of the isolations of being unable to play with neighborhood children because of her families purchase of a home in a white community. She describes how the low level of intellectual abilities that her classmates first had for her. Later she will also describe in detail her close relationship to two of the five young girls killed in a church bombing that happened a short distance from her childhood home.

Yet her anger is not without a certain sense of revolutionary irony. Revolutionary as while recognizing the seriousness of the situation – racially informed class oppression – she is also able to recognize the base absurdity of its claims and the essential precariousness of the various power allegiances keeping it together. For example she describes going into a shoe shop in Montgomery with her friend as a young teen. A white clerk and overweight customer look at her in red-faced anger and terror quickly take on a tone of deference granted as they speak with a French affectation and claim to be from the Martinique. They are Caribbean, the social thought of the day went, therefore exotic and ergo not black. They are conversed with by the staff as they try on shoes. Assata, at the time named Josephine, speaks in her best accent and finally breaks character. The initial angry attitudes return, however the girls can’t stop laughing. Now speaking in plain English, as they leave the store, she calls the people present out for their bigotry. There are many poetic turns of phrase and local color captured in these and other exchanges, all of which is to sound please but be immoral. Given these exclusionary experiences it is no wonder that she begins to have increased involvement in black nationalist cultural and political networks and organizations.

What makes this such a compelling book is not just the everyday heroics that comes to be displayed but also it’s structure. After childhood and arrest are covered the structure shifts to a back and forth between a horrifying depiction of what life is like in jail and narrative of her work as an activist. First one starts to become painfully aware of the cruelties of the treatment afforded her because she was a political prisoner, such as being forced to live in an isolation room for 21 months on end – a practice which was only stopped after a long struggle to get an independent investigator of the court to verify Assata’s claims. Following this Assata describes her work at a Black Panther Party breakfast program for children. She would wake up at 4am in the morning and cook for all of the children and come up with various educational programs for them to help get in the learning mood before going to school. She describes the paranoia and fears of briefly having to live an underground life as she’s just discovered that she’s again being promoted in the media as responsible for a crime that she’s not committed. And what helped her face such COINTELPRO actions? Her good skill set was recognized and she was promoted to New York to help the Party be more efficient.

Assata’s autobiography is good not only for the above, but she also reminds the reader that there were many others targeted for assassination, observation, infiltration, and social subversion through ruses, rumors, and other sorts of intelligence campaigns designed to delegitimize and destroy trust. She names three people that were connected to high ranking members of the Party that were used in FBI conceived plots to entrap or bring harm to Members. She is not, however, wholly uncritical of the Party. Some of the members are upbraided for their misogyny when she first arrives in New York. She eventually left the group as she found Newton’s ideology to be incompatible with her own, as she thought they needed to have less of a focus on the thoughts of a greater leader and more information on black history. Certainly anyone seeking to learn about black history is well served by reading this story and her other writings.

Likert-Type Scale Response Anchors

Level of Acceptability
1 – Totally unacceptable
2 – Unacceptable
3 – Slightly unacceptable
4 – Neutral
5 – Slightly acceptable
6 – Acceptable
7 – Perfectly Acceptable

Level of Appropriateness
1 – Absolutely inappropriate
2 – Inappropriate
3 – Slightly inappropriate
4 – Neutral
5 – Slightly appropriate
6 – Appropriate
7 – Absolutely appropriate

Level of Importance
1 – Not at all important
2 – Low importance
3 – Slightly important
4 – Neutral
5 – Moderately important
6 – Very important
7 – Extremely important

Level of Agreement  
1 – Strongly disagree
2 – Disagree
3 – Somewhat disagree
4 – Neither agree or  disagree
5 – Somewhat agree
6 – Agree
7 – Strongly agree

Knowledge of Action
1 – Never true
2 – Rarely true
3 – Sometimes but infrequently true
4 – Neutral
5 – Sometimes true
6 – Usually true
7 – Always true

Reflect Me?
1 – Very untrue of me
2 – Untrue of me
3 – Somewhat untrue of me
4 – Neutral
5 – Somewhat true of me
6 – True of me
7 – Very true of me

My beliefs
1 – Very untrue of what I believe
2 – Untrue of what I believe
3 – Somewhat untrue of what I believe
4 – Neutral
5 – Somewhat true of what I believe
6 – True of what I believe
7 – Very true of what I believe

Priority:
1 – Not a priority
2 – Low priority
3 – Somewhat priority
4 – Neutral
5 – Moderate Priority
6 – High priority
7 – Essential priority

Level of Concern
1 – Not at all concerned
2 – Slightly concerned
3 – Somewhat concerned
4 – Moderately concerned
5 – Extremely concerned

Priority Level
1 – Not a priority
2 – Low priority
3 – Medium priority
4 – High priority
5 – Essential

Level of Support/Opposition
1 – Strongly oppose
2 – Somewhat oppose
3 – Neutral
4 – Somewhat favor
5 – Strongly favor

Level of Probability
1 – Not probable
2 – Somewhat improbable
3 – Neutral
4 – Somewhat probable
5 – Very probable

Level of Agreement
1 – Strongly disagree
2 – Disagree
3 – Neither agree or disagree
4 – Agree
5 – Strongly agree

Level of Desirability
1 – Very undesirable
2 – Undesirable
3 – Neutral
4 – Desirable
5 – Very desirable

Level of Participation
1 – No, and not considered
2 – No, but considered
3 – Yes

Frequency – 5 point
1 – Never
2 – Rarely
3 – Sometimes
4 – Often
5 – Always

Frequency

1 – Never
2 – Rarely
3 – Occasionally
4 – A moderate amount
5 – A great deal

Frequency of Use
1 – Never
2 – Almost never
3 – Occasionally/Sometimes
4 – Almost every time
5 – Every time

Level of Problem
1 – Not at all a problem
2 – Minor problem
3 – Moderate problem
4 – Serious problem
5 – Urgent Problem
Affect on X
1 – No affect
2 – Minor affect
3 – Neutral
4 – Moderate affect
5 – Major affect

Level of Consideration
1 – Would not consider
2 – Might or might not consider
3 – Definitely consider

Frequency – 7 point
1 – Never
2 – Rarely, in less than 10%  of the chances when I could  have
3 – Occasionally, in about  30% of the chances when I  could have
4 – Sometimes, in about  50% of the chances when I  could have
5 – Frequently, in about 70%  of the chances when I could  have
6 – Usually, in about 90% of  the chances I could have.
7 – Every time

Amount of Use
1 – Never use
2 – Almost never
3 – Occasionally/Sometimes
4 – Almost every time
5 – Frequently use

Level of Familiarity
1 – Not at all familiar
2 – Slightly familiar
3 – Somewhat familiar
4 – Moderately familiar
5 – Extremely familiar

Level of Awareness  
1 – Not at all aware
2 – Slightly aware
3 – Somewhat aware
4 – Moderately aware
5 – Extremely aware

Level of Difficulty
1 – Very difficult
2 – Difficult
3 – Neutral
4 – Easy
5 – Very easy

Level of Satisfaction – 5 point
1 – Not at all satisfied
2 – Slightly satisfied
3 – Moderately satisfied
4 – Very satisfied
5 – Extremely satisfied

Level of Satisfaction – 7 point
1 – Completely dissatisfied
2 – Mostly dissatisfied
3 – Somewhat dissatisfied
4 – Neither satisfied or dissatisfied
5 – Somewhat satisfied
6 – Mostly satisfied
7 – Completely satisfied

Level of Quality – 5 point
1 – Poor
2 – Fair
3 – Good
4 – Very good
5 – Excellent

Comparison of Two Products
1 – Much worse
2 – Somewhat worse
3 – About the same
4 – Somewhat better
5 – Much better

Level of Responsibility
1 – Not at all responsible
2 – Intermittently responsible
3 – Somewhat responsible
4 – Mostly responsible
5 – Completely responsible

Level of Influence
1 – Not at all influential
2 – Slightly influential
3 – Somewhat influential
4 – Very influential
5 – Extremely influential

Likelihood
1 – Extremely unlikely
2 – Unlikely
3 – Neutral
4 – Likely
5 – Extremely likely

Level of Detraction
1 – Detracted
2 – Very little
3 – Neutral
4 – Detracted
5 – Very Much

Good / Bad
1 – Very negative
2 – Negative
3 –Neutral
4 – Positive
5 – Very positive

Barriers
1 – Not a barrier
2 – Somewhat of a barrier
3 – Moderate barrier
4 – Extreme barrier
5 – Insurmountable Batter

Level of Satisfaction – 5 point
1 – Very dissatisfied
2 – Dissatisfied
3 – Unsure
4 – Satisfied
5 – Very satisfied

Citation

Adapted from Likert-type Scale Response Anchors by Wade M. Vagias

Review of “How To Build a Girl”

I wanted to read something light and funny as a break from all of the subject area research I’ve been doing lately and I was not disappointed with Caitlin Moran’s novel How to Build a Girl. Set in the early 1990’s in a small town still within the reach of London’s shadow, Johanna Morrigan is a 14 year old girl who’s upbringing by her wanna-be rock star father and push-over mother has taught her to be audacious in the face of their poverty rather than docile. Following an extremely embarrassing interview televised across England, Johanna decides to reinvent herself as Dolly Wilde and over the next two years we follow her around as she learns the ropes of the burgeoning indie-rock music scene.

While they may lack the trappings of respectability, Dolly’s home life abounds in encouragement from her mother and father. Her father was injured while working as a union carpenter and supplements his government dole through off jobs and marketing on behalf of his band – which by all accounts had not chance of becoming fmous. While he’s clearly an alcoholic whose lack of present potential for success in the life leads him to fixate on previous accolades he’d been given as a local musician, Dolly’s recognition of this is never tragic, but more melancholic. She wants to help him, but also recognizes there’s only so much she can do.

From the get go there’s something inexplicably charming about Dolly/Johanna. I think part of it is that when I was a teenager I too knew a few girls that reminded me of her. Whether or not they consciously chose to adopt the trappings of a more accepting sub-cultural, goth, as a means of coping with their non-Hollywood bodily development is debatable. What isn’t is that this suddenly gives her some cultural cachet that provides her with easy entry into a number of spaces otherwise prohibited to her – be it music review magazine offices or bars that host concerts. After her reinvention Johanna at first does not yet have the confidence in order to project herself as a sexual object into the minds of those that she desires. As Dolly, however, a “lady sex adventurer”, she throws caution to the wind and after a few drunken missteps seems to gain a greater level of confidence. Whether or not this is genuine is brought up by her boozing, cigarettes smoking and other outrageous behavior that seems to mask her own withering, intermittent insecurity. Dolly is not alone, however, in this as many in her family and in her work life also contain this recognition of the precariousness of their existence and this seems to alternately motivate and depress them. A semi-famous musician that Dolly becomes infatuated with, for instance, that is a model of the charming and self-destructive musician trope.

Morrigan writes a number of scenes that both highlight her self-creation and the “flaws” in her autopoiesis. I found the scene wherein she plasters images of her heroes on the wall in a large collage in the manner typical of procedural cop shows meant to show criminal conspiracies to be especially amusing as not only do I currently have that in my office right now as help for me to visualize the characters in Unraveling but as when I was her age I had something similar on my walls. Another humorous scene has Dolly hosting a party in the bathroom following a particularly trying ordeal. The chord most often plucked stems from Dolly’s fear of a provincial existence. Her perspective towards her parents is benign, but she also clearly does not want to replicate the life that they lived. She is bourgeoisie in her aspirations, but working class in her character.

Issues of class issues are written well into the novel. There’s the expected verbal abuse by Dolly’s father of Maggie Thatcher and familial concern over the rate of the dole. Beyond that Morrigan does a great job of situating Wilde’s world as one of relative deprivation. Dolly must rely upon state aid not only to live but also to help her find gainful employ. After leaving school to become a full time music reviewer, she first exploits the library to obtain the source of her income before coming to find out that the capitalist music enterprises will give out music for free in hopes of garnishing favorable reviews. The romantic triangle that helps Dolly realize that she needs to reinvent herself, for instance, is compelling not only for it’s keen depiction of the conflicting fantasies of teenagers and also for reinforcing just how many barriers there are to the lower classes becoming upwardly mobile. This sounds overly sociological, but the scene is quite humorous and heartbreaking at the same time. Realizing that affections are not-reciprocated is one type of pain, but when this is compounded by the other facets that Dolly faces her rebirth is all the more inspiring.

Review of “The Seducer's Diary”

It is not enough to conquer, one must know how to seduce. – Voltaire

After twelve years I finally took the suggestion of a good friend and read The Seducer’s Diary. It did not take more than a dozen pages of anticipation for me to start to understand why this was such a formative book for her, for alongside the oft-told tale of a boy wooing a girl was a powerful undercurrent of insightful observations about love and other powerful forces which motivate human action.

One such subject of the book that I deeply enjoyed was Kirkegaard’s description of the gradations of various feelings elicited through various romantic gestures. Each one carries with it a certain psychic energy – if they are receptive objects of affection. From looks to words he describes the way in which different types of can make a young girl blushes. He illustrates a “long game” approach to winning the seducing a young girl considered to be the height of attraction both physically and morally. This approach of her as a specimen to be won is, according to lore, the means that the author used to encourage the quick psychic healing of his betrothed upon his departure and annulment of their pre-marital vows of commitment.

The form of seduction that Kirkegaard takes is a slow one, first insinuating himself into her life through a friend and then through letters and social events gaining greater sway over her mind. This excerpt from Either/Or contains a number of journalistic styled notes and short letters that are voiced as an explanation to his actions or are sent from K to Cordelia. This facsimile of old correspondence or that which was fictionally altered to appear as a document of amorous ephemera provides a compelling form for reflections on life, love and honesty. One of which that Kierkegaard makes that I found especially lovely was his analogy about love:

“When it comes to the labyrinth of her heart, every young girl is an Ariadne; she holds the thread by which one can find the way through – but she possesses it in such a way that she herself does not know how to use it.”

For K, the path to love is not about immediate infatuation based upon sexual desire, something that is repeatedly criticized as it leads the urges to a tempestuous psychic place to be avoided. It is, instead the slow fertilizing thoughts that helps the spirit grow into a recognition of the male’s spiritually directive role. This is resisted on the grounds of pride, and this dynamics informs a dialectical dances between the lovers whose steps are the movements and memories created between the too. Each choice of action and response informs the love created and determines whether or not it is a healthy one or one that is diseased due to excessive reification of the other. Writing this in this format makes the lessons learned seem dry and obtuse – but this distillation of the content of longer, lyric language is a far cry from Kirkegaard’s style. It has many similarities, at points, to two of my favorite writers – Henry Miller and Milan Kundera.

The seduction of Cordelia by K is brought to an end when it seems that K has come to doubt his spiritual fortitude. His quest to win her, what he once wanted, now seems anathema to him. Amusingly enough this seems to give credence to the Taylor Swift lyrics “Boys only want love if it’s torture.” He is of the belief that by breaking things off with her, she will develop to even greater heights of character than were she to remain with him. Being that woman is inherently, to K, a being-for-others she will, upon reflecting on their break up Cordelia can find true freedom. This seems to be because, despite his imbrications against it, he seems to have an aesthetic constitution as it relates to love and wants a certain resistance.

Something else that I found amusing while reading the books were the techniques Kierkegaard uses to win the attentions of his inamorata, Cordelia. While by no means a how to guide aligned with PUA literature like The Pickup Artist, the book nevertheless illustrates some of the methods outlined within. K engages in extended conversation with her Cordelia’s aunt in order to establish his value amongst her community of peers.
There are many things which I enjoyed about it and I have the feeling that this is one of those works that I will read again in a few years and get something new about it.

On Commitment and Honesty on the Path to Self-Betterment

Freud and Lacan, those seminal figures of psychoanalysis, both conceived of the psychological structures that form our Self as a language. While perhaps not an image that is immediately intuitive, a closer examines reveals similarities. Our perceptions of our environment and ourselves are primarily a series of ordered symbols. We, as we conceive of our Selves, are a series of relations to family, community, friends, work, affinity groups, the future we wish to actualize, etc.

The familial relationship is the primary means by which a concept of the world and our Self is transmitted and due to the reliance of the child upon parents for survival is one readily adopted for fear of rejection and death.

Whether with conscientiousness to the effects that human interactions and language has on the child or not, this provides the basic grammar for a child’s future behavior. How an adult will deal with stress, determine whether someone is an enemy or an ally, what they aspire to accomplish or seek to avoid are just a value of the many values that form the language of human psychology.

It is extremely difficult to understate the impact that these early lessons have on the foundation for future character traits as well as physical and mental health.
As maturity increases into adolescence children gain more autonomy and this language becomes more plastic. Once firmly established as adults they are, normally, no longer dependent on their parents in order to live and this combined with different experiences with various social groups allow them to broaden and determine their own views.

Continuing the metaphor of language, then, personal development is a movement away from the limited, parochial familial or cultural language of what the Self is to one that is more self-styled. For example, perhaps some grew up in a setting that was emotionally muted and expressions of need were met with reprimands or denial. In this case it could be worthwhile to develop one’s connection to one’s feeling as well as learning more The Art of Communicating those feelings with other people. Perhaps those consistent repressions of emotion lead one to bottle up their emotions and then injudiciously express them inappropriate situations. in this case one would want to learn to deal with their Anger. Perhaps one’s early family was all around inhibitive of those admirable traits of human character, in this case it could be worth learning how to turn those negative experiences into strengths via Reconciliation and Healing the Inner Child. Reading, however, is not sufficient to adopt this new language. One must also include other practices. For instance one can decide to respond to writing prompts about the material one is reading such as “How does this relate to what I learned growing up?” or “What would it look like if I’d practiced this today instead of relying on my old habits?” or “Why do I struggle to embody this particular idea?”. This prevents learning from being merely intellectual and being a lived part of the Self. This is not the only obstacle one must face when in the process of adopting this new self-chosen language of the Self. Here are some others, by no means all inclusive, that are also well suited to the language metaphor used by Freud, Lacan and other psychologists and psychoanalysts.

First, just like a new language that one intends to learn, if one does not daily commit to daily practice than the knowledge once consumed does not become as readily accessible. Put more succinctly – if you don’t use it you lose it. For example, several years ago I had enough skill to travel Europe with ease and find temporary employment as a bi-lingual hostel employee in Budapest after having intensively studied German for three years. Now I can only remember and apply a small fragment of the knowledge that I’d once poured over.

Secondly, in order to continue to develop this language of the Self one must re-order tens of thousands of hours of accumulated experience. Consistent actions alone – such as reading a book – is not enough. Language (like the Self) is a social medium and requires people, be it a recovery community or caring partner that has expressed willingness to talk to you about your journey, are needed in order for those new words of the Self to be sounded out. Such places provide a safe space to try on new tonalities of character, inflections of thought and modulation of habits. It allows you to understand other people’s struggles and transitions and thus more accurately determine what sort of future and better Self one can be while also receiving acceptance during the inevitable period of plateau and backsliding inevitable to such a giant task.

Thirdly, it’s best to steer clear of those people, places and situations that evoke use of that first, inherited language. This means avoidance or cessation of relations of those that bring to mind the Self that one seeks to avoid. One can’t learn a new language if one is always listening to speakers of the one already known. As it relates to situations, for a lot of people this typically means avoiding places centered around consumption of alcohol as this was a component of maladaptive behavior and thought acquisition. For many people in today’s economy this can be problematic. More and more millennials are returning home and for those there this have a devastating on their quest for self-betterment.

Without consistent practice of new habits beyond mere consumption, maintaining regular socialization with people aligned with one’s goals, and avoidance of those restimulative people, places and situations a kind of atrophy sets in which leads not only to a reversion to old patterns but oftentimes a denial of them. Denial itself is bad enough, but in the light of the old Self, those that once had helped to facilitate the acquisition of this new language of the Self can come to be seen as enemies. After all the Ego, always seeking always to be right, superior and unharmable, sees such people as a threat because they can recognize the hurt and pain underneath the composed exterior.

In the path to self-betterment, it is important to be committed and honest with oneself when one is temporarily unable to work to acquiring the new language of the Self. Committing to the daily work and remembering whom one’s allies are can certainly be difficult – however being honest means sometimes listening to those that have already gone through like or a similar struggle and thus not allowing that old language of the Self to come back. Additionally one must truly commit to this path for there are no half-steps possible. Commitment to a new conception of forgiveness or love, for example must mean that one TRULY acts in accordance to this new language. It is the only way that fluency will be achieved and the old language can be refuted and unlearned.

The Secret of Embodiment’s Role in Achieving Your Goals

Since the publication of The Secret in 2006, the Laws of Attraction have gained currency amongst many that have sought to bring increased intentionality and positivity to their lives. In helping people to realize that they are not trapped by habit and history in whatever situation they are in it has been phenomenal. However what is missing from such admonitions to change your life is that thinking is merely a first step. It is not enough to merely THINK about what you want to get, you must wholly EMBODY that desire if you want to achieve it. Your body is your unconscious mind and if it is not fully committed to your intention in its core you will have inner conflict that causes attention to be disrupted by the doubtful or opposing intention or thought. The unconscious mind/body is like an iceberg: most of it is beneath the surface. As every thought creates a biological reaction when the body and emotions are not fully aligned then the bodies three brains sends out mixed messages and creates confusion. Neuroscience has clearly demonstrated the importance of the body/mind/emotion alignment for generating strength and focus. This is why it is important to remove and release any opposing thoughts and feelings as they biologically and mentally sabotage success.

To make an analogy, if like-attracts-like is the Law as it is written, than your body’s embodiment of those desires are the enforcers of those desires. Your body can either express a strong, muscular desire or a weak, flabby one. The law can either be followed so that order is maintained or an arbitrary and unjust rule will reign over your actions. As it relates to developing attentiveness, you are likely now wondering which embodiment is most effective for your obtaining your goals. The answer is multi-faceted and depends on what your intention is.

First, you need to have a clear vision of what you really want in a situation. Determine what it is you desire and then write down what steps you need to take in order to obtain it. This reminds you of what needs to be done and allows you to cross them off the paper when you’ve completed a step so you can see that you are progressing towards your goal.

Second, you need to determine the intensity level of your intentions through self-calibration to evaluate which embodiment will be most effective to fulfill each task. Let me give two examples of what I mean. If your intention is to relax at the beach on your vacation, you don’t want to be standing in a rigid position. If you have encountered an immanent threat, you don’t want to lay down. Self-calibration isn’t limited to just yourself, also consider your social and professional network to help you determine what barriers you might encounter. If you don’t have support you can count on, think about how you might be able to get some.

You also want to learn to be able to rapidly adjust to any situation, as they may change during your quest to obtain your goal. Embody a position of strength, but also flexibility. Regardless of external conditions, the collapsed embodiment of an apathetic person destroys attentiveness just as the puffed up embodiment of an enraged individual or the rigid embodiment of a frightened individual causes imbalance and weakens the ability to focus. An attentive embodiment is a strong physical and emotional structure abiding in peace, presence and is congruent to the existent conditions.

Third you want to bring into your awareness any negative inner dialogues you have concerning your desire. A fear of failure because of earlier failed attempts, a feeling you are inadequate and unworthy to reach your goal or a sense of guilt you still carry from hurting others to get what you wanted, all must be acknowledged and forgiven before your core power is totally focused.

Lastly you need to continually self-calibrate. How you feel in each moment allows you to make small adjustments to keep yourself centered. Just like a car, you need to be aware of your fuel and water level, your temperature and speed as otherwise friction and heat can lead to malfunction. To do this you need to have excellent self-communication skills. These helps you manage your internal impulses while maintaining the ability to interact with others in a peaceful connecting way. Inner awareness also helps you establish mutual interests. Self-sensing of your body, emotions, attitude and spatial feelings provide a present time feedback mechanism to direct and guide your thinking, decisions and actions. When not calibrated to your body you live in the virtual world of your mind. You become caught in idolized pictures of perfection, unfulfilled desires and fears. Your goal is to live life with confidence and focus and not to get caught living a virtual existence solely in thoughts. Thinking and imagining certainly have their place, but being present to experience the magnificent diversity of life is far more enjoyable and satisfying.

On Communication and Intention

Intention is embodied in the unconscious mind/body and through the tone used during a communication. When speaking from the ego we often concentrate on the words used as being most significant aspect of a communication. However it is the body’s position and gesticulations, the facial movements and the tone of voice that represent eighty five percent of the message. Most speakers don’t haven’t a clue of the significance of these other aspects and ignore their importance at their peril. This is because confusion can be created when body language says one thing, tone something different and the words another story all together.

Such inconsistency is at the root of many difficulties in relationships. When there are unrecognized conflicts between these essential elements it becomes difficult to determine which message is the one that is actually intended to be conveyed. Effective communication, however, is consistent in each aspect of what is expressed. You may find it very instructive to have someone video some of your interactions when you aren’t aware you are being taped, so you can see first hand the mixed messages you may be sending. This, however, isn’t practical so instead a simple formula to ensure good communication is as follows: it is the responsibility of the originator to ensure their intention is fully comprehended.

That the meaning of a communication is the response the originator receives is not a truth with a wide currency, but it is one that once adopted will drastically improve your communication abilities. If, for instance, after expressing yourself the recipient reacts in a way contrary to the intention of the communicationyou can pause, apologize and acknowledge that a miscommunication transpired so as to restart the cycle of exchange.

One of the reasons why this rule for communication is so effective is that it recognizes that all people’s understanding of language, verbal or corporeal, is inflected by their perceptions, beliefs, wishes, judgments and experience. You might not like their response – as you want it to be in accord with your beliefs, wishes, judgments and experience, but this is a condition that is destined to fail as people are always right from their own perspective! As such it is important to abide by a principle for communication that is less concerned about asserting one’s correctness with it’s cost of disconnection, but one that engenders connection and mutual comprehension.

Another effective communication principle is to take nothing personally. When you honor their perception and respect it, connection is maintained. Change your posture, tone and volume was that lead to the miscommunication and try again in a different manner. Whisper, smile, be gentle as if you were holding a newborn baby in your hands! If your recipient perceives your body language as threatening, your tone as condescending or your volume as angry, they might not really be “there”. These types of transmissions send people into a defensive mode to take personally everything you said. Remember, most people have experienced being yelled at, scolded, or berated at least once in their lives. Until healed, these emotionally charged memories can get triggered by any emotional experience that has any type of similar qualities in it. When a speaker raises their voice or gives a nasty look, many unconsciously regress to a time in their childhood when they were punished or felt threatened. This withdraws attention from the here and now and has them act from there and then! Once you improve your ability to get across what you really intend you develop a better rapport with people. Whatever the specific conditions causing the miscommunication, patience and mindfulness of these principles will help you undo them.